Caution: Inside my head.

I just turned away in the middle of a decision to go up on top of the roof and sit and draw. It felt so wrong. Like I would have been adding a weight to my life that I don't want right now.

This happens often during the creative process. The emotional feelers are out, wanting good vibes and then bad ones come in and shut everything down.

And now I feel as if I were to go up there, I might want to jump off. But no, that's just indulgence. The building isn't high enough.

I almost deleted those last words. Somehow even in an anonymous blog I didn't want to sound suicidal, maybe not even to myself. The funny thing is, my antidepressants seem to be making me more volatile, more impulsive and hotheaded than I've been in years. But I don't really feel good about it.